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I don't think you should go to a bar and attempt to pick up a woman. (Only the age-old question men have been asking since the dawn of humankind.) Now, moving on to the next part of our mission: Finding you a woman to sleep with. "If we are encouraging straight men to be heteroflexible, bi-curious, or bisexual-behaving, and we accept and have a heterosexist fascination for bisexual women, then it makes sense that some gay men will be homoflexible.”īut again-don't stress about labels. “Also, let's not get into the double standard around male sexualities," she adds. Sexuality can be fluid, and love can come in different genders, Pallotta-Chiarolli explains. She's worked with many gay men who've met certain women and felt an unexpected sexual attraction to them. Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli of Deakin University, researcher and author of Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women. To help give you advice, I reached out to Dr. You’re not alone, even though you might feel like it. (You also don't sound like you're experiencing OCD-related sexual orientation obsessions, but it's worth reading up on to be sure.) It seems like you’ve calmly noticed that your attractions don’t fall as heavily on the gay end of the spectrum as they once did-or as you previously thought. You seem to be pretty cool about the whole being gay thing, which means you're probably not struggling with internalized homophobia. Which brings me to my next point: I think you should go for it! You say there's a part of you that's still wondering if you're just trying to fool yourself, but it sounds like your attraction to men and women is legit. I think your identity will become a lot clearer after you explore your attractions towards women. Other times, feeling compelled to pick a label can add unnecessary anxiety and actually limit our sexual behavior. Sometimes, labels can bring us security and pride. Do you have any advice on how I might be able to venture out and explore this side of me?Īs you read this, I don't want you to be consumed with how you sexually identify. I'm very hesitant to talk to my gay male friends about this, and I haven't dared mention it to any female friends either. Even with guys, the other person usually has to initiate. I have never really been one to go to a bar and try to hook up, and straight bars are pretty intimidating to me, as I wouldn't call myself a super masculine guy. I often prefer bisexual and straight porn to gay porn, so it does seem like something I’m into, but there’s also a part of me that’s still wondering if I’m just trying to fool myself. I tend to be more romantically attracted to men, so I'm not looking to necessarily date and marry a woman, but I'm interested to find out if there's another part of me that I've been neglecting. But over time I’ve gained an increasing curiosity about what I’ve been missing. I didn't really date in high school, so I never had any sexual experiences with women.
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I’ve pretty much identified as gay since college, and I’ve only ever dated men. To submit a question for a future column, fill out this form. Ask me anything-literally, anything-and I will gladly Sexplain It. I'm here to answer your most pressing sex questions with thorough, actionable advice that isn't just "communicate with your partner," because you know that already.
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In doing so, I've learned a thing or two about navigating issues in the bedroom (and a bunch of other places, TBH). Over the years, I've had my fair share of sexual experiences, dating and sleeping with hundreds of people of all genders and orientations. Now that we’ve got that covered, it’s time to learn more about the best gay sex positions.I'm Zachary Zane, a sex writer and ethical manwhore (a fancy way of saying I sleep with a lot of people, and I'm very, very open about it). Both partners must clearly give their consent prior to any sexual activity. Consent is a necessary part of any sexual interaction.Always practice safer sex, which includes using condoms and plenty of water-based lube, and getting tested regularly for STIs and HIV.Tops: If it gets a little messy down there, be cool about it! It’s really no big deal. Bottoms: Wash yourself out with an enema or simply using soap and water before sex to make things as clean as possible. The reality is that anal sex can be messy.If you’re in a longterm relationship, how do you keep the sex fun and exciting with each anniversary? Even the most seasoned casanovas need to know their fair share of sex positions to keep things interesting between the sheets, which is why we’ve put together this handy (and illustrated) guide to the best gay ones.īefore we get started, it’s important to establish some gay sex ground rules: If you’re single, how do you prevent awkward and boring sex from ruining chemistry with that really cute guy from Grindr?